I did it

I did it. I packed my bag; water, iPod, headphones, water colour pencils, journal, purse and sunglasses. I signed out at the gangway, made my way down the gangway's rattly stairs, unlocked my newly owned bike (thanks to the sad farewell of a good friend) and was on my way, all on my own. (Not recommended by Mercy Ships but justified in my mind by the fact that I was travelling to a place frequented by shippers, on a well known road and my destination was known by a friend.)

Often I feel when I'm on my own, that I just want to get to my destination quickly, but I am learning to enjoy the journey because that's half the experience. With that thought in mind I cycled through town enjoying the scenes on the side of the road; a little boy running in bare feet with a large toy car (probably once battery controlled) tied to a string, racing along behind him. There was a huge church service set up on a sandy field with hundreds of people attending; some were huddled under the shade of the palm trees, trying to keep out of the burning midday sun. Other people sit on concrete seats in the shade, sipping the milk from a freshly opened coconut or licking a cold cone of ice cream scooped from Gastronomie by a man wearing a mouth shield so that he doesn't breathe into the ice cream fridge.  Palm trees line the street and beyond that the white sand and blue sea in combination with almost cloudless blue skies, make the perfect picture. There are people on bicycles, tuk-tuks, cars, trucks and pousse-pousse drivers all moving towards a destination. I weave in and out of moving traffic, overtaking the slower pousse-pousses and often being overtaken by a motor bike at the same time. Little hands grab the metal bars from the inside of the pousse-pousse, holding on from the laps of their parents. Pousse-pousse riders are trickling sweat as I cycle past them and their heavy load of people. I listen to the sounds of traffic coming up behind me trying to guess the type of vehicle. Courtesy beeps come from them as they warn me they are coming past and to stay out of the way. Fruit stalls line the streets with bananas, avocados and just newly in season, lychees.

And then I have arrived. For the first time in my life I have chosen to go out on my own for a sit down meal. I am expecting to see people I know walk past and see me alone and for once in my life, feel totally okay with it. Within five minutes of sitting down, two friends arrive, say hello, ask me if I came on my own and one replies that she comes here on her own often too. I feel like I could invite them to sit down, but then that would defeat the whole purpose of me coming out here. You see if you've been on the ship you know exactly what I mean when I say living on the ship in community is tiring. The thing is, you're always in public. The majority of the crew share cabins, depending on your length of service or job, you may share with 2-10 people. The majority of cabins are 6 berths and while this creates great friendships and tight community, it's tiring to be among people all the time. The second you pull your berth curtain you're in public, having to be dressed appropriately and respond to greetings and questions.

 
So now I sit here, on my own, on a busy Sunday afternoon in a restaurant on the beach, eating my favourite lunch in Tamatave, people watching, hearing the French language float around me, much like the coals on my table, blowing smoke into the wind to keep to flies away. Unfortunately that smoke is irritating my lungs which have been struggling for the past few weeks, a sickness I have not been able to shake.

It's hard to know whether I should admit it publicly or not (too late now). I'm tired. For no explainable reason I feel tired and so I am seeking ways to renew life and find a freshness of spirit and a new sparkle. Part of the restoration process has involved getting off the ship a little more often, cycling through town, enjoying fresh air and sunshine, creating and crafting, walking through the streets of Tamatave, going out for ice cream, reading more books and allowing myself to dream about what God wants me to do in the future.

There is no happy bow to tie these thoughts up except for me to remember that life is a journey and no matter how I am feeling, I will endeavor to enjoy the ride.

A Raspy Cry

I've been silent for a while, not knowing where to find the energy to put down the hundreds of words swirling around in my mind. Sometimes life in this place is just about keeping your head above the water while so many things are going on.

I do have one particular story of a 3 year old boy who had surgery on a tumour in his neck that was cutting off his airway. I didn't see him before he went in for surgery but I heard from those who did that it was much like Emmanel from Congo where he was trying so hard to breathe past his tumour that is was distressing to listen to.

This little Malagasy boy, let's call him Naty, went in for this very complicated, difficult surgery and was intubated and sedated after surgery for several days. I often helped out inside the ICU during the time that he was in there.

Naty was a strong boy and despite sedatives, pain relief and even some amount of muscle paralysers, he still moved around. There was a certain position he hated lying in and so even with bolus medications being given before moving him, he'd still manage to wiggle back to his most comfortable position.

Since this cute little boy’s admission his papa or aunty had been staying with him since his mother was 9 months pregnant and had other children at home. Both the papa and the aunty were so beautiful to watch their interactions and care with him. Even when his small body was on the large ICU bed, covered in lines, wires and tubes, whenever he fought against us, his papa would be off his chair in a flash to calm Naty and talk to him.

We tried getting him off the ventilator several times but each time he couldn’t cope breathing on his own with a damaged trachea, so we put in a temporary tracheostomy. He was able to be off the ventilator pretty much straight away. He was out of the ICU and back in the ward less than 24 hours later.

Soon Naty was able to start practicing swallowing water. His papa was so patient with him, spooning water into his mouth as he practiced swallowing. Some days he was improving and other days it felt like he was taking a step or two backwards, but most days I'd look over to their bed and Naty would be sitting on the bed with his papa sitting on a stool next to him, leaning on the bed. The two of them would be playing with a truck or other toys. His papa would say something to him and Naty's little face would brighten with a massive smile.

Days passed by and we were able to remove his tracheostomy and actually hear his cry and have him start swallowing food. When the nurses came to his bedside Naty didn't enjoy it. Mostly he cried a pitiful, raspy cry than was almost silent in volume. His papa was always so tender, calming him for whatever it was that we needed to do.

Last week I did night shift and looked after him. One night when his IV antibiotics had ceased and I didn't need to disturb him, I had a sudden thought to pray that God would close that trache hole that bubbled frothy sputum when he coughed or cried. When I came back from my day off after nights the hole had closed completely!! In fact, in this last week suddenly Naty has conquered his difficulty swallowing, his trache hole has closed over, he has had no more fevers, he is happier than ever and he isn't crying whenever a nurse comes near him.

I went to deck 7 with him and his aunt the other night and it was such joy to see him participate in a little running race with the day crew, his aunt and myself. His face was bright as a smile lit it. When we got back to his bed on the ward, Naty pulled out the pictures of his new baby sister that had been born a few days before. “Zaza!” (child) he proudly said in his raspy voice, showing me each printed photo of his beautiful new sister. “Yeah, your zaza kely! (baby) Tsara be!” (Beautiful) I replied in my limited Malagasy.

This past weekend, our little boy and his papa discharged home and he would have been able to meet his baby sister for the first time. After a whole month of being in our hospital, seeing this little family every day, his departure has left a little hole in our patient community, but I am so happy for them. I am happy that we were able to give this little boy a chance at a long healthy life. His aunty said to me, that night on deck 7, “No one else in Madagascar could have done this surgery.” It’s true, the local hospitals aren’t equipped for all the care that he had on board, but some day I very much hope they are equipped so that boys and girls just like Naty are given the surgical healthcare that they need. That’s why Mercy Ships is here in Madagascar, to bring life to those who aren’t able to access the care that they need and to train up the Malagasy medical professionals who will help strengthen and build their own healthcare system for the future.