“No matter how long we’ve walked with God, we will still
have days that seem dark. In those times rely on who He is.” Beth Moore
I found this quote in my journal this week when I opened
it to write some New Year goals and dreams for the year. I was struck with how
appropriate those words are for me in this season. The darks days seem to
stretch on and on, with definite glimpses of light and beauty but always a
shadow of darkness.
It feels as though leaving Mercy Ships has stripped me of
my purpose. I lived and breathed Africa and her people, meeting new friends and
having adventures. Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of things to love about
being back in Australia and around my family, but I’m a different person now
and won’t ever fit back into the place I left. The place that I have left has
changed too. My community has dispersed over the last six years and is no
longer as it was.
To make matters worse for me, I am single in a world of
married women who have become mums in the last few years. So not only do I not
fit into this Aussie culture, I’m husbandless and childless. Talk about not
fitting in. When I’m looking for projects to occupy my time outside of work, my
mum friends are run off their feet. Am I the only one in the world with this dilemma?
I recently watched the documentary The Insanity of God created by Open Doors and had the opportunity to hear Nik and Ruth Ripken speak at a church in town. I highly recommend watching the documentary
or reading the book (although I haven’t read it yet) because their story and
the stories they tell of persecuted Christians across the world are absolutely
amazing. One thing that Nik said the night that I heard him speak was, when the
persecuted Christians were told by authorities to stop praising God and
gathering together, they knew that if they obeyed the authorities, the enemy
would win, so they decided to do the opposite. Despite the fact that we live
such free lives in Australia, the principle can still be applied here. I
felt encouraged to turn my defeated, negative feelings around and not let the enemy
win, to choose joy and thankfulness in all circumstances. I’ve had to practice
this a lot since coming home. I made a list of things I’m thankful for:
For praying family and friends
For the ability to grow plants and nurture
them and see them flourish
For good coffee, all the time
For being able to walk around home in my
pyjamas with bed-hair for as long as I want
For having a bedroom and bathroom to myself
For having a car to drive around in and not
count kilometres travelled
For being able to eat whenever and whatever I
want
For being able to cook fresh foods and add
lots of spice to my meals
For having windows that open
For hearing the birds out my window
For warm weather
For electrical storms, hearing the thunder,
seeing the lightening and smelling and feeling the rain
For yummy cheese
For a job that pays good money
For a good team of nurses to work with
For family close by
For friends that include me in their daily
lives
For being able to light candles in my house
For a washing machine that I can use any time
of the day or night and there is no one waiting after me to finish
For a clothes line in the sunshine
For FaceTime and across the world face to face
conversations
For ship friends in Brisbane
For my little home, all the space and comfort
of having a place to call my own and be at peace
I’m waiting, semi-patiently, for a few new opportunities
to open up in the new year but in the meantime I have to keep going back to the
reminder in that quote. I don’t know where God has me, where He is leading me, but
I have to trust and rely on who He is, to choose joy and thankfulness and for
now that is enough.
“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along
unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before
them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will
not forsake them.” Isa 42:16
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| Three of my little lights |
