Monday, 3 February 2014

To Stare

I love the fantasy of photography. Often when I see an intriguing photo I would love to step inside of it and explore for myself. I guess this is why we love to hang grand scale photos on our walls and stare at them for hours.
I took some photos back in October in Colorado for some friends and during the shoot their little three year old was off on her own adventure in the woods. I love these photos because of the mystery. The sunshine is glorious and I want to step inside of little Ingrid and get lost for a time into the magical world of a three year old imagination.

These days I don't dream enough. I guess my fear is that it could never become a reality and so why dream?! But these photos make me want to dream again.

I’ve just finished a shift at work and perhaps for many different reasons I’m tired, not just because two little girls with their persistence for wanting things pushed me to the very edge of my patience (and perhaps a little beyond) but in the end when I thought I could bare it no more, I let the smaller one crawl into my lap and type on the computer with me. I controlled her hand movements but I let her type for me, the letter that explains to my team leader what changes have happened during the evening shift. After some typing, she lay back against my chest and finally let sleep overcome her. Along with her sleep came a deep breath for me as I let the frustration of her behaviour slide away.
It seems that sometimes when you are living your dreams, they still frustrate you, tire and wear you out. How many mums look at their children and know that they dreamed for them a thousand times yet they still find themselves frustrated with them more frequently than they wished? How many friends on this ship, some that dreamed of being here for years, look around some days and just want to be at home?
Sometimes I am overwhelmed at living in community, at living 30 steps away from the hospital I work in, at having people that challenge me constantly, at finding a way to deal with all these things when my only space is separated from others by a simple curtain. It’s moments like these that I want to find an escape for a little while. I want to crawl into an enchanting photo, stare into the mystery and imagine my life there. Yet my life here is still amazing, sometimes I need to take a step back and look at it with fresh eyes. To stare into the eyes of another whom I have been one of many to help bring the sparkle back. To imagine my life as theirs and remember all that I have to be grateful for.

I had a friend email me a few days ago. He was a day crew member in 2012, a local West African, during the Africa Mercy’s outreach. He worked as a translator in my ward and since then he has been unable to get a proper paying job. (This is a very common story unfortunately for many of our day crew after the ship leaves). He has been looking for jobs and asking around and has been told if he goes back to university and studies some more he would have a better chance of finding something. The only problem is finances. He needs $517.50 USD for one year of study (the course is two years). He asked me for help. I cannot as I don’t have the spare money but I thought perhaps some of you might? If you feel God tugging on your heart, please let me know. I told him I’d ask and see what God provided.

So, I continue to look up. I look to the One who sustains me through thick and thin, highs and lows. He is ever present.

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