Saturday, 16 June 2012

Sailing Away

We set off sailing today. We waved goodbye to Lome, Togo and my heart was surprisingly just fine.
This year has been a difficult one for me, not because of the patients or work in the hospital or for lack of good friends but for internal battles and struggles. Sailing away from Togo for me feels symbolic of the place that God is bringing me to.
When I think over my year so far, these 6 months in Togo, my heart is overwhelmed with emotion. I was able to be a part of 272 maxilla facial surgeries and 34 cleft lip repairs and that was just in my ward, let alone the plastic surgeries, vaginal fistula repairs, general surgeries, eyes and dental procedures that have filled the others wards and clinics.  I have seen God do amazing transformations in people's physical and spiritual lives.  This job is my favourite in the world and I wouldn't trade it for anything!
So why have these 6 months been so full of emotion for me? I have been growing and learning, stretched beyond imagination, requiring strength I, myself, do not possess. I have been brought to my knees before God, time and time again, trying to live my life the way I want it to be instead of submitting to God's will, however painful it could be.
So now I'm lying on deck 9 on the floor, in the darkness, the ship rocking backwards and forwards as if to try and soothe the pain I have and often continue to feel as I try and daily submit to God's will for my life. As I look out, the sky and ocean blend together in a vast blackness so deep I cannot describe it. The wind blows my hair into my face and the only thing to be seen over the railing is the glowing white caps of waves caused by the ship carving it's way through this enormous ocean.
I have been listening to a series of sermons on the ocean of God's grace. There's a song that I love that says, "if His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking."  These lyrics almost bring me to tears because I am just so unworthy of this grace.

An ocean of grace.

This vast ocean I am currently floating upon, is just a small measurement of how much grace God offers us. And all I can do is lay here and thank God for the vastness of his grace which shows how deep His love is. How deep, wide, long and high His love is. How huge His heart is and how He is anxiously waiting for me to throw myself into His ocean and let myself float there. Not to swim in my own direction, but to float and let Him direct me.

1 comment:

  1. What about a spot of deep sea fishing while sailing on the Africa Mercy...that would be fun:)

    RN's versus Doctors in who can land the biggest fish :)



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